This Last Tear
The tear pooled in my eye and hesitated there for a moment. Then, it began to fall, gently sliding down my face.
I decided in that moment that this is the last tear. The last tear to fall as a result of your comments or your disdain.
Love, as close as family, extends beyond approval or disapproval. When I needed your encouragement and you sat silent. I felt rejected and tears fell. When I needed your reassurance when I felt weak, you demanded attention for your own hurts. I felt rejected and tears fell. When I needed to clear the air, you projected your own pain onto me demanding me to change to make you happy. I felt unheard and tears fell. When I succeeded and wanted joyous celebration with me, you belittled my success. I felt unworthy and tears fell.
Yet, this is the last tear.
Not that I choose to shut down. No. Shutting down would do me more harm than good. Not that I choose to put shields up to protect myself. No. Shields cannot protect me in this.
I choose to see you from a different perspective. Rather than seeing you as me – a wounded me, a broken me – I choose to see you in truth. Your wounds dictate your actions and reactions to me. Your pain commands you to withhold love, appreciation, and acknowledgement. You cannot yet be any other way.
I choose to see this without judgement. In fact, I choose to see you with a heart of compassion. I observe you and the pain constricting you with deep empathy.
This last tear dries on my skin, evaporating into the air that surrounds it. My need for your approval and acceptance evaporates with it. I expected you to respond to me in a way that fulfilled my needs. Now, I release you from that expectation. I’m free.
I’m free to encourage myself. I’m free to console myself. I’m free to acknowledge my own successes. I’m free to negotiate this life without the need for outside approval. This inner approval resides within my own bright heart. This inner approval finds confirmation from Divine Source who uplifts and supports me while offering me guidance and comfort.
Certainly, I will cry again. Sorrows and disappointments happen. Loss and grief live alongside a fulfilled life. Yet, this is the last tear that falls for expecting you to be whom you are not. I finally understand. With a bright heart, I finally release . . .
This Last Tear.
(If you enjoyed this blog you might also like the Ancient One’s message entitled “The Power of Serenity”)